((this is going to be long, because it feels like a lot has happened since the last journal... and it will probably be awhile before my next update anyways since I'm about to be ridiculously busy )).

So when somebody with major chronic health problems tells you that they are striving towards a goal, like you are... Do you tell them that basically the stress is too much for them to handle, they should go live on a shelf somewhere and be coddled and not live the way they want to live and decide that they're not allowed to dream as big as everybody else because it might be harder for them? What a fucking crock of shit.

Whoever the hell you are who said that to my friend, I would not think twice about decking you over the GD head at this moment. Who the fuck do you think you are??

It's no wonder I want absolutely nothing to do with people when I leave the house lately. People just feed on being shitty to each other anymore. What a pack of assholes.



...Though I DO enjoy the thunderstorms we've been getting. I locked myself out of the apartment at 8:30 two mornings ago. After 8 hours of sleep, I was still too groggy and stupid to remember to bring my keys with me LOL. By the time my boyfriend came home to let me in, I was sweating and hot, even sitting in the shade. I hate you August.

Anyways, still trying to cram some art into the time I've got left before school takes over my life again. I need to get my oils out again today while the light's good and work on the self portrait some more. I also have finally gotten to the sculpting part of my first sculpture. It's a velociraptor, which I plan on adding feathers and a sweet paint job to when I've got it baked.. maybe some flames along the sides. No? We'll see.

I spent last night looking up Sleep Clinics in my area, checking out costs and whatnot (sleep studies are NOT cheap o.o. I'd say in the last 24 hours, at least 16 of those hours I spent asleep, I'm thinking more like 18 even. That would be more than 2/3 of my day spent unconscious, and I still spend a lot of my time feeling like a nap would be nice. My average this week remains about 12 hours a day. That's still too much.

I've always had trouble getting up and being tired throughout the day. Even when mania strikes and I sleep so much less than usual, it's still like five or six hours... Which is like half of what I'd be doing otherwise. I figure I should get it looked at, if nothing else. I know that I do a lot of jerking and moving around, that's probably all it is. _

Livestream time again, I'll prolly be off and on there for the next couple of hours. Just chillin'. Like a villain. Ha, that wasn't old.
( [link] Aug 15 9:40)


Need a couple hours of distraction?

LOL this is totally me ... ... Which means in a horror movie, I'd be one of the first to die. And it would involve me falling (I'm clumsy) and either somebody running by and crushing my glasses, or me scrabbling around on the ground trying to find them and crawling right into the arms of DOOM.




Man I'm tired, LOL. Not that there's any reason for it, but I'm tired just the same.

BUT, I am excited because I splurged some of my small amount of money away to get some armature wire and SculpeyIII because I've been having brain waves in the form of sculpture lately. sweetly offered to let me borrow some of her tools... I have a few, and need to locate them.

My thoughts on a sculpt are in the form of either a velociraptor or archeopteryx (spelling questionable), either of which would have primitive feathers that I am really looking forward to doing. But aside all of that, I'm getting ahead of myself... Need to do some research and sketches first, though I don't plan on that taking too long. So I guess long story short, I'll have more sketches and things coming up soon, not to mention will have some of my WIPs done. Now that our AC is fixed, I plan on finishing the self-portrait in oil (which I have some initial shots of, just haven't posted yet.)

I guess that's about it. I'm really missing school right now, my brain keeps making me think that I have loads of homework that I'm missing out on, and I have to keep telling it to shut up and relax while there's still time [briefly]. I know by the time Christmas comes, I'll be a wreck wishing that math never existed lol, but for now... WAAAAAAAH XP

Gonna bust out some Livestream action for about an hour here, if anyone wants to yak: [link] (7/30 2:21 E.S.T)


Still working on portfolio stuff, and I'm happy to say that it's made me pull out my oil paints for the first time in forever. I purchased some fiber-board last week and have since started a self portrait in oil, and am pleased with the current likeness from working through a hand held mirror... It's just been too damn hot in the apartment to make me want to finish it yet. Once we get the AC working and it's not literally 90 degrees at my art desk anymore, I'll have less of a problem sitting still for myself LOL. I'm also planning on using some of the old mat boards and such that I gleaned from my job at the framing place, along with my prisma markers and pencils, to come up with something. Still trying to decide what exactly though.

Art Things (a local art store where I've worked before, and where I'm friendly with the staff and owners) called me earlier today and it's looking like I'll have a couple days out of the week to work there for the coming up semester, which is a huge relief to me. Not only do I already know that I love everybody there, but it's nice to know that I'll be able to pay for things like gas, and write checks for the rent to help out my boyfriend. AND it won't collide in any way with my evening hours working at the Mathlab (methlab LOL) at the community college, so I can keep doing that if they'll have me YAY.

Finally, despite the LARGE stressout I had within the last month about classes and majors and feeling that I didn't have enough time to sign up for things before they were all taken... school is working out. I've spoken to the director of the Engineering department and gotten some things clarified and talked through that were causing me angst, and it turns out that all of the classes that I needed/wanted I have been able to get into, and to make work with my schej. WHEW. People tell me I'm laid back but DAMMIT I just need to calm down sometimes LOL . Seriously.